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As an adult, I'd place my hand on the outside of the plane while boarding and pray that the "sacred blood of our Lord Jesus Christ" would protect the plane and passengers -- and I believed with my whole heart that it would work (since I haven't been involved in a plane crash, I guess it did). I abandoned all thoughts of God in my twenties, until it became clear that I needed to be sober.

Recovery meetings are spiritual (not religious) and at that point I settled on a God-centric but non-Christian spirituality that worked perfectly for me. My husband's spirituality is absolutely not my concern.

Then some bad things happened in my life -- infertility and third trimester pregnancy loss -- and God and I broke up for a while. My job is not to convert him to a believer and his job is to leave my beliefs alone and not mock me for having them (the not mocking part is important). We are both "good, giving, and game." Yes, that term was created by Dan Savage and is meant to tackle sexual turn-ons in relationships (if your partner is into something you're not, you should still try to be good, giving, and game even if you don't want to do that particular act every time), but it also works well with most relationship challenges.

But in my grief I found myself drifting into another liberal Methodist Church, and I found solace there for many years. He grew up without much religious exposure, although his father was a "spiritual seeker," dabbling in everything before returning to the Catholic Church. My husband and his aspirituality cheerfully join me each Christmas Eve at a candlelight service and I drive the car when he wants to photograph freight trains.

Many people can’t survive the grand Canyon that comes between the two points of view.

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