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(I think we won’t be friends much longer.) And another friend who tries to be sympathetic but I can tell I’m torturing her with every last mouthful of air so I actually just stop calling because I really don’t know what else I’d talk about. (There is perhaps nothing more deadly than a business owner who has nobody to express their frustration out on. I’ll look into it.) Because next thing you know, you’re hurling Macbooks, assaulting your living room wall, sparring with the customer service representative from Verizon, clubbing your pet hamster. Because whether you know it or not, have always been my #1 support system.

All in a day’s work, I suppose, but more stressful than this needs to be. For almost six years now I’ve been telling YOU everything, from my (entirely uneventful) thoughts on men, to my idealistic views on the world (I still think that bible thing would be amusing) to the many “” moments one has while attempting to be an adult. You listen to my ideas around business, you stand next to me through thick and thin, and you’d probably even give me the benefit of the doubt if I did decide to update you when I shave my armpits.

The 50-year-old victim suffered an extreme allergic reaction and went into anaphylactic shock, which causes serious breathing problems.

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